apathetic

Death i thought was freedom.....acquiring it was my plan..but i stand here all the worlds below and the heavens above....i look at them comparing, of one door i have come and one stairway i shall take....to the beauties unbound and mine forever.....but
they seem to haze, i cant hear the birds chirp nor can i now smell the lilacs....all i see here is a perfectly sewn lawn, but i still miss the ones i loved and the ones who loved me, their eyes when they hold mine.... in a gaze which these angels cant.... God send me back i should'nt have longed to embrace death, i want to feel again, i want to love again, i have left some words unsaid i want to say them again.....
i want to be wanted again....

One (more)

These lies eat me on the inside....whenever i open my mouth whenever i breathe.... the things you said the things she did....how can i tell you friend how can i...iam not allowed iam not alllowed those words i remember....my life extends encumbered in uncertainity all i can see, swank of the clouds the shapes change the level differs i have seen the cries you made the people you gathered. they werent friends....iam gone in the periwinkle heaven of the clouds i make the matters of my mind....replica exactness of what i had seen the images i had drawn the parts that troubled me.....Verbatum i can hear the cries you made the people you gathered they werent friends they werent them....even now whenever iam alone the carnivals haze out the laughter of the hiding i can hear i can sense you had made love i never forgot it but friends what can i say shes happy the little girl has grown up....exhausted by the daily rituals the ceremonies made in the minds of the dopes....
the leaves of toxin show them the light the thoughts that never crossed their mind the leaves of toxins.....i can see the finish i had imagined it different we had seen it together girl you pointed it to me....slipping the poison they knew it before i did....why all i ask is why did they know it.....when i rubbed you on the shoulder i wipped off those tears iam dead to me....smiles you gave the winks you made is all gone and i know it he dint deserve it.....just a peck on the back of all the sorrows i gave i shouldnt have the crystal i broke.....no apology is big enough come back please i say......